On Losing Count

Hi Guys,

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For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.

Proverbs 24:16

Last night, I couldn’t sleep and stayed awake till dawn, (thank you insomnia, my old friend) and no matter what I do, sleep was just hard to grasp. I prayed, read the bible, meditated, listened to preachings online, I even tried reading a book. Still, sleep didn’t come. And so I stayed awake, eyes on the dark, seeing nothing but few sliver of lights seeping through the curtain from the street lights outside. I had a lot of thinking.

I consider myself a person who thinks very deeply. 🙂 🙂  (again, let me thank my old friend, insomnia for this) Last night, like every other sleepless nights I had, I didn’t count sheep. Usually, I’d think about things that really matter. Last night, instead of counting sheep, I ended up counting sins. Maybe sin is far too serious of a term so let’s go with mistakes.

I am not surprised to realize that I couldn’t. I lost count of my mistakes. Mistakes that are the reasons of all the wrongs in my life, right now. I can’t say I have a bad life, but it certainly isn’t a good one either. And for me, it’s worse. A bland life is a life isn’t aligned in a purpose. And isn’t that a terrifying waste…

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,..

Philippians 3:13

Past is past, and maybe Paul said the above lines in his letter to Philippians to push the believers to keep going no matter how many mistakes they’ve made or how hard it was for them. But his sentence didn’t end on pushing them to forget the past and push forward, he kept going saying…

I press toward the mark for the prize of the calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:14

mark for the prize… this made me think. No one wins a prize as a fool. Wisdom is necessary and so I’m sorry Paul, I might forget some things but not all. For I need my mistakes to gain wisdom…

Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come.

1 Corinthians 10:11

Some mistakes I’ve made were intentionally, I admit. But most are unintentional because I know nothing and I seem to never learn from my mistakes. And so last night, I tried looking back, and realized I lost count of how many times I failed. But was I really counting to begin with? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I know I’ve had plenty and that from now on, I need to count. I tried recounting too.

When you lose count of anything, may it be good or not, try a recount…

—-Lili Marcus

You know how it helps? It’s a good motivator. I see how many mistakes I already committed and so I’d be ashamed to make another one. Enough is enough. I’ve done so many mistakes already, I’m gonna try making good things from now on.

Another thing is that upon RECOUNTING, I am revisiting. And I am learning. It’s like reviewing a lesson given to me by the greatest teacher there is. Maybe proverbs 24:16 said the righteous falls seven times, and rises again. I don’t think the author of it doesn’t really mean, falling and failing is limited to seven, what matters is rising after falling.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.

Proverbs 11:2

I believe that there is humbleness in acknowledging that you’ve made mistakes, and as stated above, with the humble is wisdom and like I said earlier, in pressing toward the mark for the prize, wisdom is needed.

🙂 🙂 🙂 There you have it guys.

LET’S THE RECOUNT BEGIN.

God Bless You All…

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4 thoughts on “On Losing Count

  1. Sorry to hear about the insomnia. I deal with it too.
    Choice words Lili. Trials and tribulations are to give us experience. I don’t see failure as bad, just a way to see something in a different light. Keep moving forward and build upon your ‘mistakes’. ❤️❤️

    Like

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