How and Where I Want to Die.

I feel good.

The kind of good that someone feels after reading a book, especially a good book, and I just did. I just finished reading “Words In Deep Blue” by Cath Crowley like thirty minutes ago. I actually have to post a book review on Goodreads and on my new blog site intended only for book reviews and other bookish stuffs, but I spent the last 30 minutes munching peanut butter sandwich rolls(which I made) and THINK.

And I am STILL thinking…

“Words in Deep Blue” made me think, this book did. I won’t talk about what I think ABOUT the book but rather what I think BECAUSE of the book.

There’s this part that sadly, I need to paraphrase to avoid giving spoilers about the book. Here it is:

“He died in a place he loved the most. It was quick, it would have been. And the last thing he did before he died is for someone he loves.”

NOTE: No, the novel hasn’t a tragic ending. And I give all the credit to Ms. Crowley for every part of the book that I used here, and even the mere mention of it. 🙂

Anyway, what have I been musing about after finishing the book?  It’s my Death. Here’s the thing about people like me who have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression, and let’s not forget, Anxiety Disorder: Death is a word constant to us, as constant as LIFE itself.

Personally, death has always been there; at the sideline, sometimes behind me, sometimes ahead of me. the point is, it’s always WITH me. I hate to compare LIFE with DEATH but I couldn’t help thinking or acknowledging the fact that Death like Life is always present.

Death is never absent in my life. (Somebody tell me please, what figure of speech I just used.) Maybe it’s kind of a paradox that have been solved. Life is the absence of Death. And Death is the absence of Life. Yet, they coexist.

Moving on…

Death will happen to me. Intentionally or otherwise, I will die. But tonight I made a very important decision:

I WON’T JUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will die in a place I love, doing the things I love, and doing them for the people I love.

But what do I love? Oh I know this since forever. I love Reading and Writing.

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Maybe it’s nobler to say that what I love is making people happy, instead of mere Reading and Writing, but making people happy is something I’ve been doing not by choice, it is something I do, and love doing because it’s in my being. It’s what makes me human. I’d be still be doing it even if I choose to do it, or simply if situation demands.

So Reading and Writing then. It’s okay if I die either of the two. It’s okay if I die while reading the worst book ever written. It’s not the book, it’s reading itself that matters. It’s okay if I’m not writing a masterpiece of Literature while having my last breath, as long as I’m writing.

Ah what a good time to die…

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And where? I think any place where I can read or write is a place I’d love. It would be  a perfect place.

And how, one may wonder, am I doing this for the people I love? Well, when I die, they wouldn’t be THAT sad. As simple as that actually. Most of us know the agony, how hard it is when a loved one dies. Most often we have regrets. A death of a loved one is one of the most severe causes of regrets. I don’t want this to happen upon my death.

Thus, I’ll die happily. It would surely make the people I’ll leave behind sad,  but it wouldn’t be the kind of sad with regrets. They won’t regret losing me if they know I died happily.

I’m doing this for myself as well because I consider myself as one of the people I love. No matter how shitty I often think of myself, I still love ME. I choose to love myself, still.

And maybe I wouldn’t feel this way tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll feel shitty again and suicidal. But I don’t to be bothered by that possibility. What matters is tonight. Tonight, I feel good and I want to record it for future use. 🙂 Tonight, I love myself, enough to make a decision, choosing to do something that makes me happy until the day I die.

LIVING HAPPILY,

LILI MARCUS 🙂

 

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How To Fall In Love by Cecelia Ahern: A Review

How to Fall in LoveHow to Fall in Love by Cecelia Ahern
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I’ve been reading Ahern’s works since forever and I love her novels because they’re all heartwarming and easy reads. This one isn’t different from all her works. I enjoyed it as much as I did with the others.

The heroine, CHRISTINE is obviously has some issues. Her obsessions with Self-help books shows that she isn’t happy or contented with her life. And more importantly she needs help. She is looking for something(not gonna tell you what). But when she accidentally witnessed a guy who committed a suicide, she became more aware of her self-her problems and the things that she must do. One of those things is to get out of her marriage.

But her husband just can’t get over their sudden separation and kept on pestering her. Christine’s life took a little turn when she, once again, witnessed another guy,ADAM, trying to kill himself. Not wanting to commit the same mistake she did with the previous suicidal guy, she did everything to convince the guy not to do it.

She succeeded and since that day, Adam and Christine were inseparable. Christine, with the help of her self-help books, teaches Adam to love life again, including getting back his ex. And Adam, he still has his issues. He’s depressed but little by little, his improvement is obvious and I remember being glad the way he boomed in the story.

My only slight problem is that I wish the book is longer and I want a more-definite ending. I want to see Adam really into counselling with a real Psychologist. I want to see both of them being sweet to each other because they’re lovers already. It was a happy ending but I want a longer version of the story.

I read this one as I was having a break from writing and it turned out I picked the right book. I needed an easy, loving, heartwarming story. This one is all of those. Though it talks about suicide, it is still an easy read. Not depressing at all.

Thumbs up for Ahern.:) 🙂 🙂

Check out my Goodreads account https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/58341705-lili-marcus

View all my reviews

Spilled Coffee

liliswordyplanet

What do we do when we spilled our coffee?

I know, it should be spilled milk. But I don’t drink milk so I’m just gonna go with coffee since it has been my companion since I was a little kid. And I am too familiar with coffee stain and it has, somehow, got to do with what I’m going to share.

Spilled coffee and stains. (Haven’t heard of milk stain anyway.)

We all make mistakes, don’t we? We’ve been done wrong by others, haven’t we? But whether it’s our fault or not isn’t the issue I’m going to stress here. Intentional or not, who cares? Instead, let me ask you what you do when you make mistakes?

I often hear that we can identify one’s maturity through his/her decisions. I’m sorry but I disagree. Our maturity shows not on the decisions we make but on how we deal with the…

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Spilled Coffee

What do we do when we spilled our coffee?

I know, it should be spilled milk. But I don’t drink milk so I’m just gonna go with coffee since it has been my companion since I was a little kid. And I am too familiar with coffee stain and it has, somehow, got to do with what I’m going to share.

Spilled coffee and stains. (Haven’t heard of milk stain anyway.)

We all make mistakes, don’t we? We’ve been done wrong by others, haven’t we? But whether it’s our fault or not isn’t the issue I’m going to stress here. Intentional or not, who cares? Instead, let me ask you what you do when you make mistakes?

I often hear that we can identify one’s maturity through his/her decisions. I’m sorry but I disagree. Our maturity shows not on the decisions we make but on how we deal with the consequences of our decisions.

Once, I spilled my coffee in a book I was reading. Worse, it was a John Grisham novel. If you know me, you’d know, I love books more than any non-living thing in this world, and that I love John Grisham because the first novel I’ve ever read (when I was barely eight) was written by him.  So needless to say, that book I was reading is a treasure for me.

And I spilled coffee on it.

I freaked out. I screamed ‘Sh*t’ countless times while my mind tries to process what to do with it. But I just stood there, staring at my book, freaking out and had no idea what to do next. Then my mother came into my room, uttered an ‘oh my god’ and then left. But after a minute or so, she came with two pieces of cloths(maybe they were rags or something). One was wet. The other was dry.

Before I knew it she was already patting the wet page with the dry towel, sapping the excess coffee. Next thing she did was using the wet(slightly wet) cloth, as if to wipe the coffee stain away. She was very careful as she did that part since she knows how I treasure my books. Then she took the book in front of the fan and let it dry. I, then, stopped freaking out.

Good news is the book survived. Bad news is the coffee stain remains until now. I still have the book but I already bought a new copy because I want my books clean. Anyway, what’s with my story?

I was entirely immature. Though it wasn’t my decision that my coffee spilled, the coffee was my choice. If it was milk, I could’ve just dried it off and there would be no stains. Another thing was, I freaked out instead of dealing with it right away. What if I did what my mother did as soon as the coffee spilled. Maybe there would be no stains, or it would be paler. Maybe only few pages would’ve get stained.

Foolish me.

Most of the times, in life, we act like that. We freaked out, sometimes we get overwhelmed with what happened instead of dealing with it right away. We waste time. And time when wasted is forever wasted. And while stalling, wasting time, little do we realise, we’re letting the used-to-be little consequences grew bigger. And thus, they are harder to deal with.

We are all going to make mistakes, wrong decisions, from time to time, we can’t stop people from doing wrong to us and we can never avoid those seemingly unfortunate circumstances that came into our life. But we can always choose to do the right thing once these things happen to us. We can never make things back to what they originally were, but we can lessen the damage.

Mistakes happen so we can learn. When we make mistakes, we don’t have to be hard on ourselves. Let’s think of it as an opportunity for us to be teachers. Only, the students are ourselves. Isn’t that great?

When others do us wrong, forgive. I won’t say forget, because come on, it’s one hard thing to do. And we don’t have to forget the wrong things done, since they are usually the ones that teach valuable lessons. We just have to let go of hatred and all other emotions that go with it. But we don’t forget what happened, it can be our references in time.

One more thing, instead of uttering useless craps (like what I did), why don’t we start using our voices asking for help? We can always find someone who can help us. We are never alone. If you believe otherwise, then you’re mistaken. I’m sorry, but that’s just the truth.

Our mistakes will leave us stains, and sometimes it would be a painful reminder of our foolishness. But if it can remind us how foolish we were, it can motivate us to do better now. To be smarter!!!

DRINKING COFFEE and trying not to spill it,

Lili

2017 Reading Challenge

Reading is part of a writer’s job description so I’m going to take my reading addiction into a new level. I browsed for reading challenges that can be my guide what to read this year except for new releases. And I chose these five challenges. No particular reasons why these five.

I know I’m being too overconfident but hey, setting a long reading list isn’t a crime. It’s like setting my New year Resolutions only I’m sure I can take everything on my list. While New Years resolutions are seldom ditch even before January ends. LOL!!!

  1.  Goodreads 2017 Reading Challenge

This is self-challenge so this must be easy. Goodreads won’t give a list or a particular number of what the challenger should read. The challenger decides how many and what books to read. I just joined Goodreads last year and challenged myself to read 150 books and by the end of the year, I read 154. Now I’m going for 200 books.

Check out the list of books I read for last year Goodreads Reading Challenge plus my book reviews here!!!

  1. POPSUGAR 2017 READING CHALLENGE

I joined this challenge last year but failed. Maybe because I don’t want some of the genres included in the list. Or maybe I was just so lazy finding the books that suits the each category. Or maybe it’s because I learned about the challenge late. Whatever‼ But I’m gonna finish this one this year and no one’s stopping me.

  1. The WeAre Teachers 2017 Reading Challenge

I just learned about this one. I don’t think this challenge is just for teachers though there are at least a couple of categories that has something to with teachers and students. Maybe I’ll just cheat with the said categories though I still have no idea how.

  1.  The 2017 Christian Reading Challenge

Instead of directing the challenger to the categories, they divided them in four series. And I think that’s genius. I ‘m definitely going to finish this one since they already arranged the categories from easy to hard.

  1.  The Modern Mrs. Darcy Reading Challenge

They provided two lists of challenges and the challenger can choose to take just one. But I’m gonna take both lists anyway.

There you have it guys. Wish me luck and join me if you have time.

You can check other challenges too in HERE!!!!

Happy Reading from Lili.

🙂 🙂 🙂